My life is changing more and more each day.
Do I like it? Some days.
Can I do anything about it? Not at all.
The Angela you all grew up with is gone. She's never coming back.
Memories of high school and old friends pass through my mind daily and I wish I could have all of them back in my life, but we've all moved on.
I am uneasy with making new friends, because part of me doesn't want to make room for the new. It feels like I am a memory card in a PlayStation: I would have to delete an old file to add a new one.
I find it hard to be sociable. I used to love to sit and carry on conversations with people for hours on end...now the only people I do that with are Hope, Jeremy, and Michael. I feel like the only reason they listen to me is out of common courtesy sometimes. I don't think I could be my friend. (hahaha...)
Uncertainty is the biggest feeling in my life right now.
Music used to be my solace for when things got bad...it was what I turned to when I couldn't control anything else. Now it's the main cause of most of my stress.
I don't know what will come of 2010, but so far I am not pleased at all with what I'm working with.
[end melodramatic blog....NOW.]
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Monday Musings
I really hate sitting back and not being able to help the people I love. It's not that I have to feel involved in every aspect of their lives, I just wish I could somehow take away their pain, if only for just a little while. I don't by any means think that I am stronger than them, but I would much rather fight through whatever they're dealing with than watching them hurt.
****
Today my friend Jeremy and I hung out with our other friend from back home. Her name is Whitney, and she and I have been friends ever since the sixth grade. We all went to get lunch together and we got to talking about how in high school we all used to say "We're not going to lose touch with you!" and all of that stuff. Here we are in our second semester here at Troy, and we all agreed that we have virtually lost all contact with people from back home...even the ones that were considered our best friends. It's a really sad thing to realize, but the even sadder part is that you weren't affected really. You sit back and it becomes clear that those people you thought were your friends for life don't make an effort to keep in touch with you, and it's okay! Your life moved on and you didn't even realize their absence until someone ELSE brought it to your attention.
It's funny how the things that used to matter so much have lost their meaning...
****
Today my friend Jeremy and I hung out with our other friend from back home. Her name is Whitney, and she and I have been friends ever since the sixth grade. We all went to get lunch together and we got to talking about how in high school we all used to say "We're not going to lose touch with you!" and all of that stuff. Here we are in our second semester here at Troy, and we all agreed that we have virtually lost all contact with people from back home...even the ones that were considered our best friends. It's a really sad thing to realize, but the even sadder part is that you weren't affected really. You sit back and it becomes clear that those people you thought were your friends for life don't make an effort to keep in touch with you, and it's okay! Your life moved on and you didn't even realize their absence until someone ELSE brought it to your attention.
It's funny how the things that used to matter so much have lost their meaning...
Monday, January 11, 2010
Work It
An out of shape insomniac with no motivation should not make a New Year's Resolution to go to the gym in the wee hours of the morning. I wish I could go back in time and share this tid-bit of information with myself at the beginning of the year.
I begrudgingly crawled out of the bed this morning at 6 am, threw on a ratty t-shirt and jeans, and trudged out into the subarctic temperatures that have decided to come to ALA-FREAKING-BAMA. I got to the gym and went inside to find it full of big, hairy, sweaty men that knew exactly what they were doing. I, however, have the technological skills of a cricket so I felt pretty dumb fiddling with the so called "treadmill" and trying to get it to turn on. (What happened to just walking on it and it moving?)
Several minutes later I finally got to rolling. Literally...rolling. I almost fell down because it caught me of guard going from stationary to Jesse Owens mode it 0.2 seconds. After I finally got the hang of it, I walked. And I walked. And I walked. Then I got on a bike and I pedaled, and pedaled, and pedaled.
The rest of the day I felt like I could pass out, pass out, pass out.
Later today, I kept falling asleep while I was taking notes in Biology. Normally the stimulating lectures on the Scientific Method keep me bright eyed and bushy tailed (insert scoff here) but today I just kept nodding off! I have little black lines all over my paper from where I would fall asleep in the middle of writing a word. The boy beside me probably thought I was a terrible mix between a narcoleptic and someone with Parkinson's disease...
The moral of the story is...
Never make New Year's Resolutions that conflict with the ways of nature.
For example: A fish should not say "This year I'm going to fly more than swim." or a squirrel shouldn't decide "Hey...I think I am going to try to take the freeway more often."
But most importantly...
Angela Wilson should not decide to go to the gym at the butt crack of dawn ever again.
I begrudgingly crawled out of the bed this morning at 6 am, threw on a ratty t-shirt and jeans, and trudged out into the subarctic temperatures that have decided to come to ALA-FREAKING-BAMA. I got to the gym and went inside to find it full of big, hairy, sweaty men that knew exactly what they were doing. I, however, have the technological skills of a cricket so I felt pretty dumb fiddling with the so called "treadmill" and trying to get it to turn on. (What happened to just walking on it and it moving?)
Several minutes later I finally got to rolling. Literally...rolling. I almost fell down because it caught me of guard going from stationary to Jesse Owens mode it 0.2 seconds. After I finally got the hang of it, I walked. And I walked. And I walked. Then I got on a bike and I pedaled, and pedaled, and pedaled.
The rest of the day I felt like I could pass out, pass out, pass out.
Later today, I kept falling asleep while I was taking notes in Biology. Normally the stimulating lectures on the Scientific Method keep me bright eyed and bushy tailed (insert scoff here) but today I just kept nodding off! I have little black lines all over my paper from where I would fall asleep in the middle of writing a word. The boy beside me probably thought I was a terrible mix between a narcoleptic and someone with Parkinson's disease...
The moral of the story is...
Never make New Year's Resolutions that conflict with the ways of nature.
For example: A fish should not say "This year I'm going to fly more than swim." or a squirrel shouldn't decide "Hey...I think I am going to try to take the freeway more often."
But most importantly...
Angela Wilson should not decide to go to the gym at the butt crack of dawn ever again.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
School and Other Scholarly Things
January 8th, 2010...the first day of Spring Semester here at Troy University...
I have a good feeling about this year. Even though Troy was not my first college, I was still very nervous last semester about everything; would I be able to handle the classes? Would my professors be mean? Would I make any friends? I didn't have any traumatic experiences my first semester here, but this is what I did learn:
1.) Professors vary, but you have to take them with a grain of salt. The majority of them will go out of their way to help you succeed. (And if they don't, there are always those lovely teacher evaluation forms you can fill out. ;])
2.) As "mom like" as this sounds, friends are not the ones paying for my tuition...I don't need them to survive. If I make them, great, but I am not going to go out of my way to befriend Sally Sorority either. I have met some really great people, some whom I wish to keep in contact with for a long time. However, I MET them...I didn't find them.
3.) My biggest worry: Would I be able to handle the classes. I am not going to lie, I screwed around and I am having to retake a couple classes this semester. I am having to do this though because I did not take the work seriously. Every day I realize more and more exactly how much I can handle, and it's a lot! The classes are hard yes, but they can be conquered just like anything else!
I only have a few classes today, but I am excited! I felt like such a nerd putting all of my things together. I even got a pencil case to put all of my writing utensils in...haha.
[Umm...some sort of transition goes here, but I am not sure what, so yeah....bloop bloop bloop.]
I have an obsession for random quotes, so here a few of my favorites! (:
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is." --Oscar Wilde
"However rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship." --François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily." --Napoleon
Well, since I do have school tomorrow, I should be going to bed I guess... thanks for reading! (whoever you are...)
I have a good feeling about this year. Even though Troy was not my first college, I was still very nervous last semester about everything; would I be able to handle the classes? Would my professors be mean? Would I make any friends? I didn't have any traumatic experiences my first semester here, but this is what I did learn:
1.) Professors vary, but you have to take them with a grain of salt. The majority of them will go out of their way to help you succeed. (And if they don't, there are always those lovely teacher evaluation forms you can fill out. ;])
2.) As "mom like" as this sounds, friends are not the ones paying for my tuition...I don't need them to survive. If I make them, great, but I am not going to go out of my way to befriend Sally Sorority either. I have met some really great people, some whom I wish to keep in contact with for a long time. However, I MET them...I didn't find them.
3.) My biggest worry: Would I be able to handle the classes. I am not going to lie, I screwed around and I am having to retake a couple classes this semester. I am having to do this though because I did not take the work seriously. Every day I realize more and more exactly how much I can handle, and it's a lot! The classes are hard yes, but they can be conquered just like anything else!
I only have a few classes today, but I am excited! I felt like such a nerd putting all of my things together. I even got a pencil case to put all of my writing utensils in...haha.
[Umm...some sort of transition goes here, but I am not sure what, so yeah....bloop bloop bloop.]
I have an obsession for random quotes, so here a few of my favorites! (:
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." --Gandhi
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is." --Oscar Wilde
"However rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship." --François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily." --Napoleon
Well, since I do have school tomorrow, I should be going to bed I guess... thanks for reading! (whoever you are...)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Blog From the Bowl Game
first and foremost i would like to apologize for any and all grammatical errors. i am posting this from my cell phone, so no spell check...bummer. second, i would also like to apologize for this being entirely in lowercase letters; the "shift" button on my phone is in a weird place and i am too lazy to worry about it. but hey...it worked for e.e. cummings didn't it?
on to the real blog now.
as i am writing this, i am laying in my hotel bed frozen to death with excrutiating pain in my knee and feet. wait, let me back up.
i attend troy university--go trojans!! we are undefeated in the sunbelt conference so we were eligible to play in the gmac bowl game. naturally, the band was invited to come too, because what is trojan football without the sound of the south?? in preperation for this affair we had practice all day sunday...and let me tell you, i regret not practicing my trumpet over christmas break because my chops were not up to par. i could barely play an 'a' above the staff! (sorry for the trumpet speak...haha) anyway, after freezing and marching our asses off, we got to come home, sleep a few hours and do it alllll over again. we finally were able to head out towards mobile, alabama around 1:30 p.m. and we arrived around 4:30.
the game is tomorrow (wednesday) at 6 p.m. and it will be on espn. i ask all of you that can watch it, do...and if you tune in around halftime then you'll get to see our awesome band!!
despite my emmence amount of school pride and my passion for the band, i am so ready to get back home. i am dead on my feet...and cold.
also, i start classes again on friday. i am very excited about this semester. i made many poor choices last year and even though i can not change my past, i can learn from my mistakes and ensure an exceptional future for myself!
here's to the future! (:
on to the real blog now.
as i am writing this, i am laying in my hotel bed frozen to death with excrutiating pain in my knee and feet. wait, let me back up.
i attend troy university--go trojans!! we are undefeated in the sunbelt conference so we were eligible to play in the gmac bowl game. naturally, the band was invited to come too, because what is trojan football without the sound of the south?? in preperation for this affair we had practice all day sunday...and let me tell you, i regret not practicing my trumpet over christmas break because my chops were not up to par. i could barely play an 'a' above the staff! (sorry for the trumpet speak...haha) anyway, after freezing and marching our asses off, we got to come home, sleep a few hours and do it alllll over again. we finally were able to head out towards mobile, alabama around 1:30 p.m. and we arrived around 4:30.
the game is tomorrow (wednesday) at 6 p.m. and it will be on espn. i ask all of you that can watch it, do...and if you tune in around halftime then you'll get to see our awesome band!!
despite my emmence amount of school pride and my passion for the band, i am so ready to get back home. i am dead on my feet...and cold.
also, i start classes again on friday. i am very excited about this semester. i made many poor choices last year and even though i can not change my past, i can learn from my mistakes and ensure an exceptional future for myself!
here's to the future! (:
Friday, January 1, 2010
Impossible Job
As you may or may not know, I am currently pursing my degree in Music Education. Day in and day out I am taught to...well, TEACH impressionable young minds an art. As I was sitting recovering from the mild heart attack I had when I checked the prices on my new text books, I had a thought. Normally I would have just pondered over it for a while, but since I have this "Plethora of Thoughts" at my fingertips, I decided to share it with you guys.
My job is impossible. I can not be a music "teacher."
Yes, I will have the means to show you how to play an instrument. I can explain to you the difference between duple and triple meter. I can even dabble you into music theory. But I can not teach you music.
Anyone can learn to play the guitar or trumpet if they so choose...the MUSIC comes in when you put feeling behind the notes.
If you are laying in bed at night thinking about how you could have played a certain piece of music better and you can't fall asleep until you get up and practice...
Or if you are sitting in the middle of Western Civilization II humming "Concert Etude" while simultaneously 'playing' it on your pencil...
THAT'S when you know you are hopelessly in love with what you do...and there is no possible way you can make anything BUT pure music.
So...what I am trying to say is I can never teach anyone to feel this way, I can only guide them as they teach themselves.
In Memory
My stepmother passed away on September 29, 2006. She was and still is the closest thing to a mother I have ever had. I will never understand why someone like her had to die so young, but I guess death never makes sense.
I wrote this shortly after the two year anniversary of her death.
The house, once filled with warmth and laughter, now sits empty and lifeless. One might peek through the shutters and mistake the inhabitants for people, but upon further inspection it becomes clear that they are no more than shells; artificial beings going through the daily motions of life. They once knew of love, hope, and happiness. They even knew of sadness and anger. Now, void of all emotion, they go about their lives pretending to be human. They used to be a family full of dreams. Their love was formed during hard times, which made it stronger and deeper than most. Love ran through their veins, and even when they were on the verge of breaking it held them together. As this family was traveling through life together, they came across this vast gap in their path. Not realizing what lay ahead of them, they kept pushing forward. Before they knew it, one of them was gone. When she was taken away, it broke the chain of the family, making it impossible for the other links to reconnect. The father was no longer a father; the daughter no longer a daughter. Now they sit with their eyes shut in the dark house, listening and waiting for some familiar voice to call out ''I'm home.'' But the only thing that can be heard is the beating of their hearts. This is the only reminder of their old life. The only reminder of good times...of love.
I wrote this shortly after the two year anniversary of her death.
The house, once filled with warmth and laughter, now sits empty and lifeless. One might peek through the shutters and mistake the inhabitants for people, but upon further inspection it becomes clear that they are no more than shells; artificial beings going through the daily motions of life. They once knew of love, hope, and happiness. They even knew of sadness and anger. Now, void of all emotion, they go about their lives pretending to be human. They used to be a family full of dreams. Their love was formed during hard times, which made it stronger and deeper than most. Love ran through their veins, and even when they were on the verge of breaking it held them together. As this family was traveling through life together, they came across this vast gap in their path. Not realizing what lay ahead of them, they kept pushing forward. Before they knew it, one of them was gone. When she was taken away, it broke the chain of the family, making it impossible for the other links to reconnect. The father was no longer a father; the daughter no longer a daughter. Now they sit with their eyes shut in the dark house, listening and waiting for some familiar voice to call out ''I'm home.'' But the only thing that can be heard is the beating of their hearts. This is the only reminder of their old life. The only reminder of good times...of love.
A New Year. A New Decade. A New...Blog?
I have been meaning to start a blog for a few weeks now, but I never got around to it mainly because I am...well, technologically retarded. I can turn my computer on and off, but that's about as far as it goes.
I also had concerns as to what I would say...or who would read it. I have many thoughts running about in my mind, but no way to gather them and write them down in an organized manner. There was a time when I kept a journal and it helped some what, but I always thought to myself "This is redundant Angela. You are writing to YOURSELF."
Then I had my "light-bulb moment." My panacea was to start blogging. The craze that is sweeping the nation and yet another addiction I will create for myself. (Like I needed another...)
If you decide to read my posts, I can promise you three things: they will be unorganized, unimportant, and one hundred percent me.
2010.
A time for new things.
Ready or not...here I come! :)
I also had concerns as to what I would say...or who would read it. I have many thoughts running about in my mind, but no way to gather them and write them down in an organized manner. There was a time when I kept a journal and it helped some what, but I always thought to myself "This is redundant Angela. You are writing to YOURSELF."
Then I had my "light-bulb moment." My panacea was to start blogging. The craze that is sweeping the nation and yet another addiction I will create for myself. (Like I needed another...)
If you decide to read my posts, I can promise you three things: they will be unorganized, unimportant, and one hundred percent me.
2010.
A time for new things.
Ready or not...here I come! :)
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