Wisdom

Yes..
I've got wit.
I've got jokes.
I've got tons of "I'm better than you." quotes...
I may appear to be ignorant.
I may seem cynical.
But you see...I'm not some cold-hearted, naive teenager full of angst anymore.
This is what happens when you choose to let it all go.
Whether I had a bottle, a cigarette, or a Bible in my hand...everything has led me to who I am right now.
I'm a whole new person with a whole new purpose in mind.
I would rather create something new, or fix what's broken, rather than just crawling and lying in my own bed of disaster.

When I was a child, my parents had many rules in our house. And when there was a rule, you followed it, no leave-way for almosts or maybes. If you ever let the words "I hate you!" flow from your mouth, they would make you write Proverbs.
Word.
For.
Word.
One night, frustrated with 13 year old drama, I said it.
I found out that my parents were not kidding about writing a whole book of the Bible.
All it talks about in Proverbs is wisdom...
...how to drink in everything your parents teach you...
...how to learn from the mistakes you make, and the mistakes you see other people make...
Whether or not you believe everything that is written in the Bible is not what's at hand. I have found from life's lessons though that learning from your past experiences are essential to making it in this world.

You know how stupid you look when you're wrong and everyone around you sees it?
If you'd have listened to what the teacher said that certain day...
If you'd have been more in tune with what's going on in the world...
If you'd had taken the advice your mom tried to give you that ONE time...
...you wouldn't look so foolish.


Basically, I brought all of this up just to say
No.
I am not wise by any means.
I still make mistakes on the DAILY.
I've become a pro at taking the simplest of tasks and contorting them into one big pile of MESS.
BUT
I learn.
I grow.
I take my mistakes and use them to mold me into the best Angela I can be.

If you don't have a clue who I am, or what I've been through, maybe you should take a moment before you judge me.
Keep your mouth shut when you don't know what you're talking about, or wisdom will end up laughing in your face.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

I’m sitting here in my room on a Wednesday morning with nothing but my laptop and a plethora of thoughts spinning about in my mind.

I just finished watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It’s a movie that came out in 2004…one of Jim Carey’s less publiscised movies based on the relationship he formed with Kate Winslett, or Clemintine, and how they both sought out to have each other erased from their memories after a fight.

I was sitting here thinking about it…would I want to have my memories erased, if presented the opportunity? I have always been a strong believer in everything happens for a reason…who you are is based on the people you encounter in your life, the circumstances you face and how you overcome them. But, if you had the chance to erase the most painful memories from your brain forever, would you? I am not sure what I would do.

I think back on the day Kim passed away…it hurts me almost every time I look back. But, that is the last memory I have of her. She was a big part in my life…one of the people that truly accepted me for who I am and was the closest thing to a mother figure I’ve ever had. Her chapter in my life was short, and it ended too soon…but I would not want my life story to be without it.

Then I think back on past relationships…I wasted almost three years on a guy that used me…why would I want to continually remind myself of what an idiot I was? The answer is I learned from that experience. I learned…I grew…I found new friends that mean the world to me. I can’t imagine myself without some of the relationships I’ve formed over these years and with forgetting the one that hurt me so, I would lose all of them too.

So, even though it would be so much easier to get rid of all the sad thoughts, the memories that make our hearts heavy, I wouldn’t do it. The contrast they make in our minds are so important…I mean, you remember how happy you were at prom because you also remember how stressful it was finding that dress, tanning everyday for months only to feel pale…all of the tiny annoyances that bug us so at the moment… and all of those little things completely go away the moment you step foot on the stage and feel truly beautiful.

If it weren’t for the moments in our life that we can look back on and say “I went through that. I went through it…and I SURVIVED.” We wouldn’t be the people we are today. Angela Wilson would not be Angela Wilson if it weren’t for all of her memories…the “good” or the “bad.”

“How happy is the blameless vessel’s lot? The world forgetting by the world forgot… Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind…Each prayer accepted, each wish resigned.” --Alexander Pope